My Weekend Realization

On thursday of last week I recived the news that my grandmother passed away at 9:34 pm. Violet Carr wasn't my blood grandmother but she was as close as they come. This past weekend I spent the whole time planning out what I had to get done for her funeral and getting all my timing in place so that I didn't miss anymore school then I had to. Sunday was the day of her viewing and I would love to say that I am this strong hearted person but open casket is just something I couldn't bring myself to go to. Monday was the actual day of the funeral and I have to say it is an amazing thing to see a family come together to honor the life of one human being. You would think that it isn't possible to touch the heart of so many people but here I was in a room of 400 people just in amazement. Overall her funeral was more of a happy and upbeat thing then a sad one because she was no longer in pain and weither or not I belive in god or not I know that she is in a better place regardless. The funeral service took about 4 hours and the people who spoke really stood strong up there infront of everyone. I went up to say something (which was akward because I didn't know anyone) and spoke from my heart how she had affected my life. Violet and George (husband and wife) were our next door neighbors when we moved in and without hessitation welcomed themselves and started there way into our lives. Me and my sister were very young at the time but there is nothing more comferting then 2 elder people showing you all sorts of love. After the funeral on monday I went home and just kind of tried my best to gather my mind and try to get my emotions in check. On tuesday it was apparent to me that I just felt sick to my stomach from being so upset so I crawled back in bed and slept all day. I would love to tell you that the day was spent having a great time and it was just a relax fest but it wasn't. The day was kind of a mournful day and a gathering day. Death is just one of those things that doesn't make sense sometimes. Death just is a mystery that we use religion to crutch off of as a couping mechanizem. The biggest question I have ever had to ask myself was what happen's after we pass. Is it really this amazing thing that be the best thing ever? Or is it this belief that once you pass you slip into this eternal dream that lasts forever? Regardless any of those options sounds like a blessing. Life after life sounds like a stress free enviorment with no consiquences. Anyways with all of this being said this is the reason that I had to unfortunatly post my blog late. The overwhelming feelings from someone close to you passing away is not one that seems to come litey. One thing that I can say that I honestly can take from this experience of losing 2 grandparents in a matter of 2 months is that the pain may seem so great and overwhelming but the greatest gift you can have in your life is a parent or good friend that you can talk to. You may lose someone great in your life but you also gain a new one. Im not saying they are the replacement but life is an amazing thing and one general rule that can keep you going is just keep taking the next step. You may feel like you have a tremendious force trying to hold you back but the fact of the matter is every one person has the ability to push and strive for anything they want in life you just need the push to do it